he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
