Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
