hell yes lets make some ravioli
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
