my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
