i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
