My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
