Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
