I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
