I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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