it hurts more in the daytime
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
