Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
