broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
