The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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