Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
