White coat. Heels.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
