Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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