So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
as a side note pls kill me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
