He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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