your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
