Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
