She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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