I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
