The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
