Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
