He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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