just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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