Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
