I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
