I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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