Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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