He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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