I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
