i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
