HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
