You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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