Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
