she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
