you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
