my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
