I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
