im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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