I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
