My Higher Power is John Stamos
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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