I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
