hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
