no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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