Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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