stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No...this little piggys going to the bar
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
