so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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