someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
