Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
