My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Its about making memories worth repressing
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
