is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
