Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and she was petting her beer can
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
