thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
