cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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