so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
These tits shall not be calmed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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